So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
