I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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