so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
