I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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