I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Enjoy the penises
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
