so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
