Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
