I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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