Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
