Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize