Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
