I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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