Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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