So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
