This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
