i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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