we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
