I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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