I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You don't make any sense
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