I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
