I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
