she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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