Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
