i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
