we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
