So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
