Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
