adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
