I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
