Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
