If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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