I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
