Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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