I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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