we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
