so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
