He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
