Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
