just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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