Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
