Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
