I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
