I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
