It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
