it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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