Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drunk is a universal language darling
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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