I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
