can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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