I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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