Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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