I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
