how can u be prego again
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
