Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
