my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
