ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
