he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
