Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
