We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
