a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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