I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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