Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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