you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
