I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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