My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
