Betty ford says i'm here all night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
