Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
