fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
