i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
