He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
