I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
