please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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