yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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