the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
