Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
