A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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