you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
